I waited in line for over an hour to buy some pastries.

In recent years, the bakery line has become an increasingly common sight in Chicago. Sometimes stretching blocks long, these lines have mostly mystified me, as there are perfectly good bakeries with no or minimal lines and I am from a generation that is constitutionally opposed to waiting in lines for things. I had always regarded these lines with the cool detachment of someone observing something that has nothing to do with them, like people playing beach volleyball. The bakeries with these lines all seem to be focused on laminated pastries, and I am not sure why that is or what it means. I suspect TikTok? TikTok has become my (partially joking) answer for why anything perplexing is ever happening. But I do think some of the impetus for enduring a long line for a croissant is to be able to snap a photo or take a video with an impressive pastry. Spoils of war! And people have always seemed especially impressed by laminated doughs even if one of my biggest icks is someone showing me a cross-section of a croissant to impress me with their lamination.

Anyway, I found myself in line in part because my husband had thrown out his back. Not enough that he couldn’t move but enough that most of our plans for the weekend had been cancelled. So we figured, why not wait in line for some pastries? I almost instantly regretted it. In the first half hour of the line, I suggested at least 3 times that we should leave. This is crazy. And then more existentially. What are we doing with our lives? The other people in line were mostly much younger than us and seemed at peace with their decision to spend their morning waiting. A lot of them snapped selfies or photographs of the line itself but they mostly just scrolled on their phones. By the 45 minute mark I had just submitted to my fate. People across the street snapped photos of the line, presumably to send to friends. Can you believe all of these idiots waiting in line? But nothing bothered me at this point. I was a part of the line and it was a part of me.

We reached the bakery door after about an hour and ten minutes of waiting. I was buzzing. At the end of the line I found a charming bakery that had beautiful pastries and a very kind and efficient staff that made the experience end on a real high note. But as we left and walked past the line of idiots still waiting in line, I realized I would not likely return. Not because if wasn’t great (the pastries were delicious) but because it isn’t what I want from a bakery. I want to be able to pop in on whim, meet a friend there, have it be an easy part of my life. I expect this is what the bakery owners wish they could have too.

Having waited in the line I remain no more understanding of why this is happening. The pastries were, of course, great. But so are lots of other pastries that are much easier to obtain. So there must be something in the struggle that is appealing to people. Or I suppose it could be as simple as needing to pass the time somehow, might as well be in line. If you’re going to scroll on your phone for an hour, maybe a morning bun at the end of the time is better than nothing.

The experience also made me think about how, after a certain point, it is difficult to differentiate between quality. I know there is a whole world (on Reddit alone!) of people who seek out the best bagel or pizza or whatever it is. But in my experience, lots are good. There is only so much that can be done! The laws of physics apply to pizza too! So when I hear people have discovered the best pizza ever (Better than anything you’ve ever had! BY A MILE) my first thought is to try to imagine how pizza can be so much better than any pizza I have ever had. And I can’t. Because I have had lots of really good pizza. I have had pizza that people claim is the best ever made, and it was so good! But was it better than the other pizzas that people claimed were the best ever made? I don’t know and don’t care. Nitpicking at that level of pleasure seems like bad form.

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These are all very urban problems! If you don’t happen to live near the best bakery in the world or simply hate waiting in line, you maybe have good reason to hone your baking skills. Make your kitchen the best bakery in the world. To that end, I wanted to tell you about Banana Schmutz. It is a concept that I learned about in one of Sherry Yard’s books. I book-marked the recipe in like 2008 and it took me decades to finally play around with it. But it is one of those recipes that can be very useful in your kitchen. It is a (sort of) caramel made with bananas and rum.

I have added it in place of the filling in Bronwen Wyatt’s incredible coffee cake recipe to great triumph and fanfare. You don’t have to use a lot, the flavor is quite intense. I maybe used a third of a cup? A thin but definite layer. If you go this route, I highly recommend also adding some chopped toasted pecans (or walnuts) to the streusel. I would also double the salt in the streusel.

I also made some really delicious brioche danishes with the banana schmutz using Sarah Kiefer’s brilliant sour cream dough (which is available in her indispensable book 100 Morning Treats). I top it with a basic cream cheese filling and a basic streusel recipe to which I added chopped toasted walnut and a generous pinch of salt.

I imagine it would also be incredible in oatmeal. The possibilities are kind of endless. But not shrimp.

In my adaptation of the recipe I clarified the instructions, increased the salt and lemon juice a bit and reduced the rum. Feel free to play around with it. But if you have the impulse to replace the lemon juice with lime juice, I think that is very wrong. And also, be careful with the blending. Hot sugar is for real.

Banana Schmutz

• 2 tablespoons butter (salt or unsalted, does not matter)
  ½ cup granulated sugar
  ½ cup packed light brown sugar
  3 large very ripe bananas, diced
  3 tablespoons dark rum
  1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon lemon juice
  ½ teaspoon kosher salt

In a large saucepan over medium heat, brown the butter. Once it has browned, add both sugars and stir until the sugars have melted.

Add the diced bananas to the sugar syrup and cook, stirring constantly, for 2-4 minutes. You want the bananas to soften and start to fall apart.

Remove the pan from the heat and carefully add the rum, lemon juice, and salt and stir together. There will be steam! And hissing! Return the pan to the heat for a couple of minutes and stir to melt any sugar that might have seized up.

Very carefully transfer the hot syrup to a blender or food processor and blend to smooth.

Store in fridge for a few days (the original recipe says 3 days but that seems so conservative!) or freeze for longer storage